Some kids are dandelions in a rose garden

#33 Why 'weed' is an arbitrary label and how that relates to our kids

As part of our homeschooling, I facilitate a nature study group every week. We learn about all sorts of wonderful things, from flying foxes to caterpillars to pond life. I love learning more about the world around us, and then sharing all the fascinating things I learn with the kids and their parents.

One of my favourite topics that we covered this year was about dandelions. My interest in dandelions was born out of a foraging course I took earlier in the year, where I learnt all about edible weeds. Since taking the course, my eyes have been opened, and everywhere I look I see mallow, flatweed, soursop, and purslane – all plants that are highly nutritious, yet are labelled ‘weeds’.

Dandelions are probably one of the most recognisable of these weeds. Their bright yellow flowers and tufty parachute heads are easily spotted in a manicured lawn, often with dread as they multiply quickly and are difficult to pull up. Yet dandelions are great at aerating your soil, improving soil quality. They are entirely edible; roots can be used to brew teas, petals add a delicate floral note to shortbread or muffins, and the leaves make a nutritious addition to salads or stir fry. They provide a source of nectar for bees and other pollinators. And there is so much joy to be found in blowing all the seed parachutes off a dandelion head while making a wish. In short, there’s so much to love about dandelions.

Photo by Elijah Hiett on Unsplash

Yet for all their virtues, many people would rather pull up their dandelions to grow roses. While roses are undeniably beautiful flowers, they come with thorns. While the petals are edible, they aren’t as nutritionally rich as dandelions. They require pruning and fertiliser to grow properly. And buying a dozen roses for a bouquet can easily set you back over $100, with huge environmental impacts due to the pesticides and chemicals used in their production and the impact of importing them from overseas.

So what makes a rose a valued flower, while dandelions are regarded as weeds? The more I learnt about it, the more I realised that the distinction is rather arbitrary. Weeds are generally regarded as weeds only because they are growing where someone has decided that they shouldn’t. In cases of preserving native bushland or optimising land for agriculture, this distinction is legitimate. But when it comes to having a dandelion growing in your rose garden, the decision to culture one while pulling out another is entirely subjective. As a society, we have collectively decided for relatively illogical reasons that roses are good, and dandelions are bad. As a result, most people pull up their dandelions and care for their roses, without interrogating why.

Interesting, yes, but how does this relate to parenting?

I believe that some kids are weeds in a rose garden.

If a garden is life, we have expectations about the type of flowers our kids should be. We value the kids who are roses – who are obedient to the adults in their lives, who are predictable, who sit still and talk only when called upon. Who do what is expected of them, who are well behaved, who answer the questions and complete the worksheets.

But some kids aren’t roses, and no amount of pruning will turn them into a rose. They are dandelions. They are curious, and spontaneous, and independent. They don’t sit still easily, often fidgeting or talking out of turn. They want to explore and engage in new experiences.

And so they are labelled. Disruptive. Unmotivated. Troublemakers.

The issue isn’t with who these kids are. It’s that we’re expecting them to be who they aren’t.

A dandelion in our garden is only a problem if we decide that they’re not as valuable as roses; when we compare one to the other. The issue isn’t with the dandelion. It’s with our perspective, our labels, and our expectations. On the other hand, when we learn about dandelions and embrace all their wonderful qualities, we might stop trying to pull them up. We might let them grow wild, allowing their joyful yellow flowers to populate our yards.

In the same way, if we could notice the good qualities of our dandelion kids, we might stop trying to change them. We might begin to value all the things that make them special. We might even create spaces where they are free to be dandelions, where they are accepted and valued for being who they are. We might embrace their curiosity, their independence, their inquisitiveness, and their unconventional nature.

We might even stop labelling them as ‘weeds’, and simply accept them for who they are.

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I'd love to hear your thoughts! Do you have a dandelion child?

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