In high school, I learnt that psychology is the study of thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. We talked about them as though they were discrete categories. In university, we got more into the nuances of how they interact and influence each other. Then, when I was doing my honours with the team at the Melbourne Neuropsychiatry Centre, I gained an even greater understanding of the role our bodies play, as my fellow researchers were looking into things like the role of the microbiota and gut health in affective disorders.
Since then, I’ve started to look further into what science says about how our bodies interact with our thoughts, feelings and behaviours. Scientists are learning better the way that cortisol influences our body, which in turn drives our feelings. They are studying how the placebo effect works and how the mind can alleviate symptoms in the body. They know more about polyvagal theory and the role of the vagus nerve in emotion regulation.
But knowing intellectually that the body plays a role isn’t enough. When we really understand the role our bodies play in driving our thoughts and feelings, we’re even more empowered to emotionally regulate ourselves.
Here’s what that can look like:
The other day I was driving home from a busy day and thinking about all the things I still needed to get through. I had only a few hours before bed, and a long to-do list of things that really needed to get done. I knew that I was stressed, so I made a plan for how to tackle everything. I thought that having a plan for how I was going to get through everything on my to-do list would take the stress away.
Only it didn’t. I still felt stressed.
At first, I was even more stressed because I still felt stressed even with my plan. I thought it must be because my plan wasn’t good enough. I kept trying to think my way out of my stress. But it wasn’t working.
Then I remembered. I had been trying to calm my feelings through my thoughts. But my feelings were still hiding in my body.
When our bodies are overwhelmed with feelings, we can’t logically talk ourselves back to calm. We need to find where our feelings are hiding in our bodies and then work those feelings out.
Once I remembered that, I was able to do some body awareness practices. I scanned through my body and realised I was carrying tension in my jaw, doing shallow chest breathing, and had tight shoulders. From there, I could do some relaxation exercises. I started by lengthening my breath. Inhale, 1…2…3…4…. Hold. Exhale, 1…2…3…4…5…6… Hold. And repeat. I focused on getting the breath into my abdomen, filling my whole lungs. I could feel my stress levels beginning to lower.
Then I worked on relaxing out the tension in my jaw and shoulders. With each exhalation, I focused on relaxing those muscles. I imagined my breath carrying away the stress, like I was breathing out my tension into a river which was carrying my worries away.
After about 10 minutes of intentional breathing and progressive relaxation, I felt calm. I had moved my body out of a fight or flight response and released the tension in my body. As a result, my feelings were able to calm down.
I still had a huge list of things to get through. But now the logical part of my brain that was making a plan for the rest of the day was back in control, no longer hijacked by the emotional part of my brain that was being fed stress and anxiety from my body.
Next time you realise your emotions are building, don’t just rely on your thoughts and self-talk to regulate you. It might work sometimes, but if you don’t locate and flush out the feelings in your body, they will continue to build. You’ll still be carrying around your feelings of sad, lonely, angry, or worry – but you won’t even realise that they’re there because they’ll be disguised as tight shoulders, shallow breathing, fidgety fingers, or an elevated heart rate. And next time a stress or trigger happens, your body will be at the ready to trigger your emotional part of the brain into launching a full body fight or flight response.
Emotional regulation works best when you find where your feelings are hiding in your body. Becoming more aware of your body is a crucial first step. One way of doing this is doing a daily body scan in moments of relative calm. You’ll be able to identify where your feelings normally hide without trying to battle your fight or flight response at the same time. Once you’ve found your feelings, try some progressive relaxation. Focusing on one part of your body at a time, let go of tension with each exhale. Try doing this for about 10 minutes at a time. With practice, you’ll be able to find your feelings and relax them out of your body quickly, and then be able to use this technique in moments of heightened emotions.
Feelings hide in your body. But they don’t have to stay where they can unconsciously drive your behaviour. Emotional regulation tools such as body awareness and progressive relaxation can help move you back into the driver’s seat, allowing you to feel empowered and in control of your body and mind again.
Beck xx