Housekeeping
As many of you know, but some don’t, I am slowly working on a book that has been my brain baby for a little while now. It’s essentially going to tackle the misinformation and lies that we are told about how we “should” parent, especially in the early years, and present knowledge about the biological, psychological, and evolutionary truths of the parent-child relationship.
For various reasons, much of the way our mainstream Westernised society expects us to parent isn’t aligned with our biological natures. Consequently, many parents decide to shun mainstream parenting advice and seek alternative strategies. Yet without the confidence to talk openly about the choices they have made they are at risk of bringing unhelpful or even harmful strategies into their ecosystem.
The good news for parents is that there is now an abundance of research about what our babies really need from us in their first few years. Even better is the news that the research backs up a lot of the things we’re instinctively drawn to as parents - like wanting to hold our babies close while they sleep. The bad news is that science is slow, and most of this research hasn’t yet trickled down to government health guidelines and mainstream awareness.
In researching and writing my book, I’ll be sifting through the academic articles to identify the parenting guidance that not only applies to parents now in our current societal context, but the guidance that also makes sense in terms of our evolutionary history.
As I work on the book I’ll be occasionally sharing some of the things that I’ve researched. This content is accessible only to my paid subscribers. In short, pay for it now (and help support me to research and write this book more quickly), or pay for it when the book is done.
In saying that, there are two other ways to receive this content. The first is through Substack’s subscriber referral program. When you share Lessons Learned, whether through text, email, or social media, you’ll get credit for any new subscribers, resulting in free access to my paid content.
The second is by allowing me to interview you. I’ll be putting out calls every now and then as I look for people and parents with certain types of experience. If that’s you, and you put your hand up for an interview, you’ll get a year’s access to all content.
Now for today’s article.
Don’t worry about coddling
Here’s some real advice that people have received within the last few years:
“Crying will expand their lungs.”
“If you’ve checked all treatable issues, it’s ok to let them cry.”
“Don’t coddle them.”
Here’s where that advice originated from:
From L. Emmett Holt’s 1894 book The Care and feeding of Children
“When is crying useful? In the newly born infant the cry expands the lungs, and it is necessary that it should be repeated for a few minutes every day in order to keep them well expanded.”
Again from Holt
“How is an infant to be managed that cries from temper or to be indulged? It should simply be allowed to cry it out.”
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